Zen and the Art of Masturbation

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Last edited: October 17, 2022 at 08:07:33

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Disclaimer: This section has been written for a male audience and to serve the needs of our male readers.
It contains information that some (female readers) might find disrespectful. It is by your own choice that you have arrived here.

I’ve been hesitant to write about this topic. After all, who is confident to admit to (regularly) masturbate at home? Nothing to brag about you’d say, especially in a country where sex-on-demand is so readily available.

True, of all the 30+ or so countries I’ve been to, Thailand is probably the one where it’s easiest to have sex. And yet, prostitution is officially illegal, porn sites are being blocked, displays of genital area or even nipples have to be covered and male sex toys aren’t for sale anywhere. Hypocritically, female sex toys are plainly for sale on Lazada Thailand, so apparently Thai women are allowed to pleasure themselves with vibrators and dildos while men aren't supposed to have any fun at home alone. No wonder we go out chasing skirts, ay?

Female masturbation in ThailandSex toys in Thailand for female
Vibrators and dildos are openly for sale for female on Lazada Thailand, but guys can buy any sex toys in Thailand.
Yet another form of sex discrimination against guys.


Back to masturbation. Why on earth would you want to masturbate in your own empty room while there are tons of pretty girls outside to give you all the pleasures you can dream of?, I hear the serial dater saying.
Good question. Well, I guess the answer is that perhaps sometimes you just can't be bothered to go through the hassle of chatting endlessly with girls, meeting up with them over a coffee (after a no show and coming late), having to keep a boring conversation alive, faking some part of your life (like that you already have a girlfriend or that you want to marry), all of this to finally f*ck her and then get her out of your room asap.

Besides that, not all sexual interaction with Thai girls is so utterly satisfying.

Why masturbate in Thailand?
A reason to masturbate in Thailand is that you just can't be bothered

The Japanese call this mendokusai (bothersome): why bother going through the whole process of dating, talking, getting along and paying good money all to get laid a few times. Especially when you have a busy job and don't want a relationship anyway.

Long stay foreigners in Chiang Mai are of course by far not as busy as Japanese workaholics, quite the contrary, most of them have nothing to do. But yeah, considering what average Thai girls really have to offer, a lot of my mates are actually tired of dating, pretending or lying to girls, taking them to love hotels, and rather prefer to have a clean deal with a working girl to do the deed once in a while. No crying, no explaining, no complaining.
The next step is to not even bother with that, just stay home with some equipment and a webcam. Technology advances.


Flying the kite in Thai means masturbating
Flying the kite (ชักว่าว) in Thai refers to male masturbation
because of the up and down hand movement you're making to make the kite fly



The thing is, what is masturbation anyway? How is using a girl's body, hand or pussy to get off any different from doing it yourself? Especially if you're not really interested in the girl, if you don't really have anything else to share, and if the first thing you want to do after coming is to leave her. Paid sex or unpaid sex alike, both can be disappointing or not utterly satisfying. The Tinder girl who took too much of your time and was only worth a few lays, the mechanical handjob by a lazy massage girl, the Burmese prostitute who spread her legs like a piece of dead bacon waiting for you to get your thing done, without her taking part in it, actually. How is that not masturbation?

At some point, you're gonna decide that no sex is better than bad sex and that your own hand knows better than the girl who's only in it for the money or the marriage.




Hard to say, some guys would say excitement, some women would mention love perhaps, scientists would start with hormons and biochemicals (such as dopamine), and for sado-masochists there's no good sex without power and submission. I used to believe it was all about connection, beauty and excitement but in truth the most powerful orgasm I ever had was from masturbation, not from intercourse with a girl. So perhaps the power of imagination can somehow render a better experience than the real thing. At least you can cut out all the shitty things you don't like: the hassle of dating and faking, a bad ambiance in the room, smelly body parts and so on, and you can hit the repeat button to improve your fantasy as many times as you want.

Kevin Spacey in the fabulous movie American Dream (2013) would agree that masturbation is better than sex with your wife

I know dating die-hards who insist masturbation can never be as good as the real thing, but is that really so? I guess up to you to decide. Surely, masturbating on the wet dream of beautiful young girl can be better than having real sex with a long-wed nagging wife, Kevin Spacey would agree.

One way for me to 'measure' the quality of the sex or sexual experience is by what I call its afterglow: how good do you feel after? Do you feel depleted or energized, satisfied or emotionally empty, horny for more or lacking the energy to do sports? In truth, I've felt all of these both after sex with a girl and after masturbation, so I can't say masturbating is really worse than having a happy ending massage or sex with your girlfriend or a gik.


It's said that excessive masturbation is actually bad for you, and I believe that. There can be all kinds of negative effects, such as loss or change of hormons, loss of energy, erectile problems and so on. I think the same can happen with excessive sex, but the difference is that you do get a lot back if you have sex with the right partner: exchange of energy, communication, connection, hormonal changes etc.

If done in moderation, I'm not sure overall how bad the effects are, if you include all the beneficial physiological and mental effects too. Surely, if you don't (always) ejaculate during masturbation, it can be quite good for your health and even tantric and other spiritual traditions actually encourage you to explore your sexuality using masturbation (but without ejaculation). Nowadays, there are even 'mediation masturbation sessions' being offered in New York, and in many places around the world you can enjoy a Yoni massage for female or Lingam massage for male.

Lacking sex shops in Thailand, you got to go to neighbouring countries to buy your toys
If you're in need of sex toys, better plan a visa run to less hypocrite countries in Southeast Asia to stock up your supplies

Sex doll in Thailand will cost you about 3000 baht but is illegal
Ordering sex toys in Thailand is officially illegal


If you prefer pleasure at home by yourself, get a stock of porn videos through a VPN router and get your sex toys on your next visa run to a less hypocrite country than Thailand. If you need some help, get an outcall massage or visit some of the happy ending massage parlours in town, preferably the ones which have staff more familiar with blending some sensuality into the massage than average parlours.

Or date a girl and make the scenario as exciting as possible: pay a lot of attention to the courting process, make up some story, seduce her slowly and consciously in steps, make it so memorable that it's worth telling your friends about it, that means it'll also be memorable to you and you'll enjoy replaying the scenes many times during your masturbation. For example, seduce a student girl or a pretend to be a teacher or something else exciting.

Even though you might like it more live, never ever open your webcam for a Thaifriendly girl to wank off, first of all it's plain rude and seconly you may be sued by her or worse, you'll be scammed and blackmailed by Filipino criminals threatening to expose your private details to your friends and family.

Anyway, whatever people say about masturbation, whatever it's beneficial or detrimental benefits, don't bother too much. The most important thing about masturbation is to enjoy it. Sit back, relax and be Zen.

Japanese sex toy manufacturer Tenga offers high quality products for home male DIY entertainment.
Don't order it online, it may get intercepted by Thai customs. Rather, buy it during your next visa run to Malaysia, Singapore or Hong Kong.


Check out other Male Entertainment Places. Having to trouble to find a place or want more detailed information including route plan?
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cmXlocator Posted on February 06, 2024 at 13:54:31
@Tim: Lube you can get in every Watson's, it's not illegal. Toys are officially illegal but you can find them on some websites and certainly in BKK
Tim Posted on February 06, 2024 at 07:03:26
So where in Chiang Mai can I get hold of lube and toys
Good Lord Posted on January 08, 2022 at 16:29:11
One certainly needn't be female to be offended and, frankly, revolted by this "take." Invest in an editor, or at least someone with a conscience whose entire existence seems to revolve around using women as some sort of glorified masturbation aid.

Lest you think I'm some prude who clicked the wrong link: I am an avid and proud masturbator! Hours and hours every day. I've paid for sex with both genders, I have no problem with that!

But you're giving all of us who can jerk off to mind-blowing orgasms without having to degrade others a bad name.